Hearts A Flutter In February

This is my first post since August after illness, a change in weather, and an increased back to school and holiday schedule prevented me from doing what I needed and wanted to do. Such is the life of a chronically ill person. We have dreams and goals and schedules... and setbacks. My original goal was to start with one post a month and then gradually increase. With a well-planned routine and consistent weather, I can usually stick to my schedule. However, new activities, major holidays and significant weather changes all throw everything into flux. The pattern is consistent: I get too busy = I get tired = I get sick. Or the weather is too hot/cold/rainy/sunny = I get tired = I get sick. And so, after not posting anything for six long months, I am back.

My first connection with the month of February and hearts goes back to first grade when all that mattered was picking out the cutest box of valentines to hand out at class and magically transforming an old shoe box into the most ardent expression of love that cardboard, construction paper and six-year old fingers could create. I have always loved displaying hearts for the entire month of February. I once accidentally stained heart shapes all over the office filing cabinet because gel clings do not come with a warning that they may discolor certain metals. I currently have a heart wreath on my front door. I love hearts. And I love my own heart who beats and skips and flutters and strives to keep going despite its failing efforts. I have heart failure, and enough of it that it significantly decreases my quality of life. I get tired out quickly. I sleep a lot. I have daily moments of chest pain and shortness of breath. My heart skips because its happy but sometimes because a premature ventricular contraction threw it off beat. It flutters because of love but also because of atrial fibrillation. I have had one heart ablation so far, and it was both fascinating and terrifying at the same time.

February is American Heart Month. In a month where stores are filled with Valentine's Day themed items and hearts are displayed all around you, please take a moment to think about your own heart and how hard it works for you. Maybe today, on the last day of February, I'll make a valentine to let my own heart know how much I love him!